Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Book Signing Event & 2014 Awards

In a couple of weeks I'll be joined by World Fantasy Award winning author Dennis Etchison , Bram Stoker Award winner Eric J. Guignard , Southern California author and screenwriter Taylor Grant, and editor Marc Ciccarone at the world-famous Dark Delicacies book store this Valentine's Day, signing copies of NIGHT TERRORS III, from Blood Bound Books 2/14/15 from 2-4 PM. Come on by if you're in the area (Southern Ca, Burbank).

Its my first time going to the all horror book store, and from what I've been told, I'm going to want to get there early so I can shop. I'm already making a list of things to look for. 
AWARDS - 2014
Well, we are right in the middle of the awards season, People’s Choice, Golden Globes, Oscars, Razzies, etc…and I’d like to issue a couple of awards of my own for 2014. There is no academy involved with the issuing of these awards, no ballots, no studio backed lobbying, just my own reflections on 2014. So without further ado, here we go.

Biggest Wussy – 2014
This award goes to a Mr. Lee Palmer a resident of Portland. Although Palmer is identified as a male, the following story cast serious aspersions on that identification. So what happened, well, Mr. Palmer called 911 because he had barricaded himself and his family in his bedroom to protect everyone from the family cat. Not a bobcat or a mountain lion, but a household cat. Albeit a large cat (22 pounds) he required an emergency response to save him and his family from a house cat. An update on this story, NORM (National Organization of Real Men) has since revoked Mr. Palmer’s man card and he is reportedly no longer allowed to attend any of their meetings. 

Most Unnecessary Freebie—2014
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard an iTune user say—“What I really want for Christmas is a bunch of geriatric Irishmen to be automatically downloaded onto my digital device,” –I would have exactly, zero nickels. But that is exactly what rock band U2 did with their latest album, Songs of Innocents. ITune subscribers were taken aback to find that Apple had decided to force feed the album down their digital throats with very little regard for their users musical tastes. The album was reported to be difficult to delete and everybody I talked to about the freebie seem to greet the album with all the enthusiasm of a newly contracted STD. “Oh, man, my phone's got Bono.”  
A few updates: U2 issued an apology for the spam-like roll-out, Rolling Stone declared it The Album of the Year, and millions of Katy Perry fans still can’t get that old-man-music off their phones.

Most Narcissistic Device – 2014
I have absolutely no data to back this up, but I believe we are living in the most narcissistic times in human history. We live in an age in which every routine and impolite passage of gas is thought to be so amazing, so divine, so life altering, that it must be shared, tweeted, posted, instagrammed, uploaded, commentated upon, then re-tweeted to the world. And at the center of this mundane firestorm is the selfie—the DIY red-headed stepchild of meaningful, worthwhile photography. But sometimes while trying to take those self indulgent snapshots we can’t quite get the angle or the framing just right. No need to worry, here comes the Selfie Stick, and although not invented last year it really took off in 2014. Just attach your smartphone to one end and increase your ability to be monotonous. Another added bonus of the Selfie Stick is that you no longer have to interact with other human beings while traveling. Having to ask a stranger to take your picture while you make duck lips in front of that historic structure is a thing of the past. 

The Selfie Stick has already spawned an unholy offspring just right for the all around, full-body narcissist - The “Belfie Stick” which will help people take photos of their own asses. True story. 

Speaking of asses…

Biggest A-hole / Douchebag – 2014
Yes, yes I know that there is a world of difference between an asshole and a douchebag, but it has been my experience that if an individual is one of these things, they also tend to be the other as well. Which of coarse is the case with this year’s winner, and reigning king in the douchebag / a-hole department, Kanye West. Hail to the king. There are others that gave Kanye some competition for this award, Donald Trump (for installing his name in 20 foot high letters on one of his buildings for all Chicagoans to enjoy), Justin Bieber (DUIs, abusing innocent eggs, continuing to sing, refusing to return to Canada). But Kanye West is truly their King, and it wasn’t hard awarding his royal douchiness with this honor, what was difficult was choosing a single moment last year to highlight. But after some thought, this one incident really stood out for me. During a concert in Australia Kanye stopped the show and refuse to continue until every member of the audience got to their feet, including members of the audience that were handicapped. When a wheelchair bound fan dared to defy Kanye, refusing to rise in order to praise Kanye in the manner befitting Mr. West, security was dispatched at Kenya’s insistence. That will certainly teach the differently abled community not to disregard the healing power of the divine glory that is Kanye. 

Kanye on Kanye

"I am Warhol! I am the number one most impactful artist of our generation. I am Shakespeare in the flesh. Walt Disney, Nike, Google. Now who's going to be the Medici family and stand up and let me create more?" Kenya West on Sway in the Morning

"I am so credible and so influential and so relevant that I will change things."

"I think what Kanye West is going to mean is something similar to what Steve Jobs means. I am undoubtedly, you know, Steve of Internet, downtown, fashion, culture."

Well that about does it for 2014. Looking forward to a prosperous 2015 filled with acceptance letters and the opportunity to work with new and talented editors.